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The Grieving Child: Part One

Continued

4. Children should either always attend funerals or never attend.

It really needs to be a child or adolescent choice. Rituals help with closure but each child is a unique individual. They need to be supported and educated in what will happen to participate in what is right for them.

5. Loss fades quickly for a child.

No one gets over a significant loss. We can accept it, adjust and learn to live with it but it doesn't go away. The fact that a child can play fools others into thinking that grief is over. The reality is children cannot tolerate long periods of sadness. The grief is not over and may be acted out in other ways.

6. Children are permanently scarred by early, significant loss.

With love, support and a healthy atmosphere most people, including children, are resilient and can learn to live with loss.

7. Talking is the most effective tool for helping children and adolescents deal with grief.

There is value in talking but for children and adolescents other creative outlets work best. Creative modes that are helpful are play, art, dance, music, activity and rituals. All of these are needed to express grief and loss.

8. Helping children and adolescents deal with loss is the responsibility of the family.

Do you remember earlier, I mentioned I was told to be strong and take care of my mother? Children need support from the family. They especially heal if the surviving parent doesn't abandon them. However, they truly need a network of individuals including family, school, possibly church or youth organizations, and hospice if a long-term illness is involved. Many times the family is too busy just taking care of themselves.